relationships take work

warning: you will be seeing a lot of unflattering pictures of me over the years. i’m sorry.

in high school, i was required to take a class that had a spiritual or ethical component in order to graduate. for some reason, I ended up picking an english elective called ‘on lily pond,’ no doubt a cheeky reference to thoreau’s walden combined with the fact that our campus featured a chapel surrounded by, well, a lily pond. i can’t recall why i chose it. perhaps it’s because i took the film class offered, didn’t want to focus too heavily on classics or literature, and refused to learn a new board game in a musty basement classroom.

so I found myself sitting in a class with an ambiguous description and a teacher i only caught glimpses of on campus, but never had before. he seemed eager and jovial enough, maybe because this class was one of his passion projects. as he exclaimed how happy he was to introduce the syllabus, all i could remember is how my crush was sitting right next to me and that we were in *another* class together after semesters apart. (i have a libra sun, the fact this crush lasted as long as it did is some sort of miracle— but maybe it’s because my crush was *also* a libra)

but then our teacher finally emphasised what the class was about: an examination of our relationships, specifically in four categories: the ones we hold with self, other(human)s, nature and God/Spirit, whatever entity you wanted to believe in. my high school provided mandatory psychosocial classes throughout the years— so the notion of navigating who we were in relation to ourselves and our peers was a given. the history of my alma mater rooted itself in religion, though they now claim they are nondenominational (the values haven’t left,) so God/Spirit was palpable. but nature? maybe i was too accustomed to the concept of the trinity, and growing up in the mountain ranges of a clear former island nation— nature wasn’t something i was too familiar with. and yet? this class and what it’s taught me has resonated even now.

thinking of myself as a polytheistic animist has changed the way i view the world and the relationships around me. maybe because everything has a spirit, and in that vein, I am immediately in relation to them. and that’s the thing about connection: we can pick and choose which spirits we hold court with, and learn which ones will provide for us. in turn, we must provide them with things too.

i basically, over the course of seven and a half years with my fiancé, had to learn what relationships looked like not just with other humans, but with planets, fixed stars, land spirits, or those that have passed. not to say that being with other people is easy: it’s not. entering into a relationship with anything— and the desire to have a healthy one— requires a substantial amount of work. some of it is easy, and a lot of it is not— but it is work. it demands self-awareness as one needs to take constant inventory of their capacity. and it also takes compromise and the knowledge of what boundaries can be tested, and which ones stay firm.

in the process of this synthesis, ive also learned what it takes to be a better partner to my fiancé. after being introduced to the concept of synastry, it became evident even earlier on in our relationship, that our natal charts reflected our dynamic: oppositions galore, but shared emotional core and values (our moons are trine to one another, so we definitely understand each other’s inner depths.) on the surface, tobi (that’s my fiancé’s name!) and I appear to be opposites, even physically! he’s tall and lanky, I am short and stout. our interests vary and we tend to stick to our own hobbies and endeavours… but at the end of the day, there’s some common ground through values and morals. that’s what has kept us together.

…but the knowledge of our cosmic dispositions and affinities for each other helped a LOT. (I must thank my gemini love & astro king, colin bedell for first unraveling the mystery of our charts to us, and his approach to my own relationship reading with my fiancé informs the way i also approach them.) if we’re going to use psychology/therapy lingo, i use a strengths-based approach to synastry because life is complex— many truths can be the “right” ones, and exist at the same time. tobi and my charts together in a synastry setting at first blush would make many of my colleagues look at it and go “wait… how does this work???” due to the number of oppositions and squares between our major personal placements.

knowing us, the living embodiment of our natal charts in the flesh— these oppositions were reflected onto our relationship, but over the years, we’ve learned to make it work and compromise. and you know, there are some funny and fated coincidences: his sun sits in my 9h, and just like our sun signs— we are from opposite ends of the world (I was born and raised in Hawaii, and he was born and raised in Europe.) also, a relationship can be considered its own entity-because it exists due to the love of two (or more) people creating something beautiful with one another.

just like in an individual reading, the beauty of a live consult means learning how that challenging aspect might look like in their lives. just like for me: sometimes they’re quite literal, and other times they’re supportive of the existent dynamics within the relationship. as a practitioner, when I can sit with my clients and learn more about the ways their own charts, it only further enriches the foundational layers (signs, the houses they’re in, placements, dignity) and helps add nuance to an already dynamic and precious space.

so here’s the thing— synastry readings are notoriously challenging, but that’s what i love about them. they’re the priciest offering i currently offer due to the minimum time for the actual reading and the amount of preparation time I put in beforehand because… well, im effectively looking at three or more different charts in one sitting! because of this, i typically price the reading per group, since I’m also polyamorous affirmative, and I’ve also read for families! (synastry readings can be done between friends, family members, a polycule, you name it, I’ve read for it! heck, I read synastry charts for myself and my dogs!) they’re some of my favourite readings to do but they can also be intensely focused and appear overwhelming to people, so i don’t often get a lot of inquiries.

i’m hoping with this email that changes… also because i am offering a reduced research rate for synastry readings right now. i’m willing to honour 90 minute sliding scale synastry appointments (starting at $111 and going up to $555 for supportive tier pricing) as long as the people consent to use as case studies in any future work (talks, writing, etc.) i’m happy to keep identifying details anonymous, if I use it in a public setting, so no worries.

though I do hope this encourages people to book (and If there’s more supportive backing, I can give away some readings for free) with me so we can share space, I’m also interested to know if any of this resonated. or if you have any questions or want to hear more about this.

if you’re intrigued enough, maybe record a paid podcast episode with a pal while getting high and talking about synastry? hmm… 🤔

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