here is your permission to cry

here’s a secret that most of my adult friends don’t know about me: until the third grade, i was a gigantic crybaby. i cried a lot. everyday, pretty much. i was an extremely sensitive child and responded accordingly.

a lot of it probably corresponds to the trauma i endured, but for years— i would just cry. and i was forced to feel shame when my tears would flow. my parents were often embarrassed at how freely the waves of sobs would come out of me, an unstoppable flood of emotions. somewhere along the way, society taught me that showing your tears, being vulnerable in public— those were all signs of weakness. and since i already belonged to a marginalised community… why would i subject myself to further scrutinisation and criticism?

the reason i bring up crying, and why this entire post will be devoted to LETTING OUT THOSE TEARS (sweaties) is because it’s cancer season! Season of the Crab! 🦀

it’s the season of the crab!

when we think of the cancer stereotype, (or shit, any water sign stereotype) most of us equate it with a lot of overtly emotional gestures, sinking and getting lost in our feelings, and crying a lot. i cannot tell you how many tweets (evidenced below) equate cancer season with tears. an abundance of tears.

well, here i am to tell you: stop that shit. with tweets like this, you further perpetuate the stereotype of cancers being gigantic cry babies. and furthermore: you continue to stigmatise and socialise crying as weakness or as a shameful or bad thing. crying is perfectly natural and an understandable emotional response to… well, everything!

cancers are ruled by the moon, the luminary that does not give off its own light. sounds pretty counterintuitive, but the moon reflects light. the moon is receptive, gathering light from the sun and casting it out. we often equate the moon as our mother, our nurturing force that sways with the ebbs and flows and can change the courses of the tides.

so, what if— instead of weakness— we think of the moon as a source of rage? of hurt? of feelings left to express? if a cancer (or summarily, any water sign) allows you to see their emotions transparently, it means they trust you, they’re willing to allow you inside to help nurture these wounds, and it (frankly) should be a god damn honour that you were able to witness it.

fuck passive aggression. fuck anyone who tells you that cancer placements come from a place of dismissiveness or passiveness. cancer is CARDINAL water energy- it is the swelling of the waves crashing onto the shore, it is the pressure of water breaking through barriers and flooding everything its wake. cancer energy is the rage a mother feels when they perceive an external force as a potential threat. that is the type of stuff I am channelling for cancer season— especially given the confirmed Supreme Court decisions regarding gun control and abortion.

being ruled by the moon does not mean that cancers are always emotional, are always doing the most, are often cry babies. no, it is the opposite. a mother holds down the fort, taking the brunt of the bullshit that comes across— only reacting when they perceive an actual, real life threat. and you want to know the other thing about cancer placements? they can roll the bullshit you throw them over their shell but when you threaten their loved ones, they will use those claws and snap back.

why are we continuing to equate emotional expression as a sign of weakness? it only further regresses us into these harmful stereotypes. so many of my watery friends, the cancer placements in my life, stifle their emotions in order to play the protective parent. they embrace stoicism because they’re used to this conditioning that embracing vulnerability is a sign of weakness. it isn’t.

when you keep on forcing people to suppress their feelings, it causes pressure to build up and eventually explode when you least expect. like a volcano, only instead of spewing hot lava, there are tears, waves of rage and torment, and a lot of choice words that will cut you like the piece of shit you are (if you harmed them or their loved ones.) it’s not healthy and sustainable to put this impetus on cancer placements. or anyone in general.

especially now. living in this world. give yourself grace, let the tears flow freely. know that you will be held with love and comfort by your chosen family. don’t hold back any more. we need strong, emotional fuel behind our mutual aid efforts and community care. we need nurturers to provide that space for us, and in return, we need to provide space for our nurturers to receive our love and allow them to be their authentic selves.

resources to check out

for those of you who are part of a marginalised population living in the US, or if someone you love belongs to one of these groups… I urge you to check out and support the following:

NNAF (https://abortionfunds.org): currently you can split your donation up between 80+ groups, but you can also divvy it up according to your preference.

abortion finder (http://abortionfinder.org): a comprehensive search tool to find where you can obtain a legal abortion near you.

if anyone needs any help beyond this, please reply to this email and let’s figure out a way to get you the help you need.

as always, I’m here to hold space. thank you for entrusting me with your hearts, minds, and spirits. please stay safe this weekend, and well, forever x